Review written for ClubReading.com by Susan
(With an introduction by Stephen King)
Decidedly incorrect politically and banned in Dallas, Joe Bob Briggs-movie critic, newspaper columnist, one-time host of Showtime’s Friday night bad-movie funfest-infuriated right-thinking people all across this great land of ours by turning his attention to the films of drive-in theater land where action and adventure of the most disreputable sort cavort simultaneously across giant outdoor screens and in the backseats of vehicles parked in window-speaker rows. Bowing to the tastes of his readers, Joe Bob rates pictures according to kung fu, naked breast count, how many heads roll, guts and gore, and other criteria that matter to all hard-core drive-in movie patrons everywhere. Picketed and rebuked by every pressure group in existence since 1975, Joe Bob writes on, undeterred by good taste in any disguise. This first and best collection of his columns includes samples from his mail bag and Joe Bob’s annual Drive-In Movie Oscar Awards, featuring such categories as “Best Gross-Out Scene” and “Best Monster.” Reader’s tongue, if not sliced off by psycho cannibal ax-wielding puppy-killer creep, should remain firmly in cheek.
EXCERPT FROM Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In:
[from “Spare Body Parts in Halloween III”] Okay, so what we got here is a rip-off plot, but it’s ripped off from one of the classics of our day, so what the hey. We got zombies. We got fingers stuck through eyeballs. We got exploding automobiles. We got a drunk who gets his head ripped off by two bionic people. We got two breasts on this Stacey Nelkin person. We got a fat woman who gets lasered to death. We got a big mass death scene for the zombies and the Head Communist.
In other words, we got all the elements for a great movie. But I got an idea what went wrong. The first words that come up on the screen of this thing are “Moustapha Akkad Presents.” Are you kidding me? Some turkey named Moustapha Akkad tried to make a Halloween movie? He sounds like a Communist-speaking person if you ask me. And I’d say it’s no coincidence that Leonid Brezhnev died exactly thirteen days after this movie came out. We’re talking conspiracy.
You can go see it anyway because this is not Communist Russia. Body count nine. Zombie count fifteen. Two breasts. Not much kung fu, unless you count a little zombie kick-boxing. Hands roll, arms roll, and, yes, heads roll. Only two stars because it was made by Arabs.
Joe Bob says check it out.